This one time, in Hamburg, I got kicked out of a buffet restaurant for overeating. It was one of my proudest moments.
See, I’m one of those beanpole assholes who can eat a burrito the size of a Shih Tzu but still stab new holes into my belts. I take pride in my appetite for the same reason that I pride myself on getting paid to sleep, or breaking a shoe dancing. It’s like my own biological victory dance.
But noshing for a living? That hasn’t been a real gig since Hitler hired taste testers. That’s the sort of deified gluttony that could only exist in…
One very special place.
Competitive eating is a thing, and the current champion pulls in over $200,000/year in exchange for regularly resembling a “sweaty, meat-smeared squirrel.” And please, do not read that article if you are in any way troubled by the image of one of the champion’s competitors - a shy, 20-something lady who doesn’t use her real name - sneaking trays of corned beef sandwiches past her sleeping parents in order to “train.”
This gig troubles me on a psychological level, because I don’t think I’ve ever looked at the DSM-IV and thought, “…Did you guys miss one?”
…And yet, I can’t help but think that “Horsemen of the Esophagus" is one of the best book titles I’ve ever heard.
eating is so badass i mean you put something in a cavity where you smash and destroy it with 32 protruding bones and then a meat tentacle pushes it into a pool of acid and after a few hours later you absorb its essence and transform it in energy just wow
What can I do with an advanced degree in science, math, or engineering?
Answer: you can go to Hawaii and eat. For science.
In order to figure out what sorts of food astronauts should pack for a mission to Mars, researchers at Cornell and the University of Hawaii want you to live with strangers in close quarters for four months and tell people about your thoughts on the food you’re eating.
(So yeah, it’s exactly like that time freshman year when you were running a foodie tumblr about the student cafeteria and hating your roommates.)
Why? Because no matter how awesome astronaut ice cream is the first time, when you are on day 40 of astronaut ice cream, you f*cking hate it. Eating the same sort of thing causes food fatigue, and sometimes you’d rather not eat at all than eat another package of the same damn thing.
It may come as a shock that humans need food in order to not die. And if you’re an astronaut dealing with all sorts of other environmental stress factors, you especially need to eat to keep your body going. So this simulation is trying to figure out how to keep mealtime interesting and food palatable for astronauts.
And while I technically fit the qualifications [aside from “Ability to cover 100 m on foot in 40 seconds or less” which probably only happens if I am being chased by a bear or someone trying to tickle me], it’s not the sort of thing I’m interested in - but! It’s a pretty good experience for those of you looking for something awesome to put on your resume. Deadline is the end of this month.
If you needed a friend to elbow you and say “Dude, go for it,” that is exactly what DST is doing right now. Dude, go for it.
Sparklefriend: take note! This is your dream job!